You have been entrusted with the care of two incredible boys: Jack (11) and Charlie (9). This is not just a job—it's a responsibility that requires your full attention, your best effort, and your genuine care.

This manual exists because I need you to succeed. The boys need you to succeed. And for that to happen, expectations must be crystal clear.

Read this manual completely. Refer to it often. When in doubt, check the manual before asking. If something isn't covered here, ask me.

Our family has been through a difficult 2.5-year high-conflict divorce. The boys have experienced significant stress and trauma during this time. This context shapes everything we do.

What this means for you:

• Consistency is not just preferred—it's therapeutic
• Routine provides safety for dysregulated nervous systems
• Your calm, steady presence matters more than you know
• Small disruptions can have big impacts on their emotional state

Diagnoses: ASD Level 1, ADHD, Anxiety

What this means:

• He processes information differently
• He needs more time for transitions
• He may not pick up on social cues that seem obvious
• Changes to routine can cause significant distress
• He may have intense interests and want to talk about them extensively

What he needs from you:

• Clear, direct communication (say what you mean)
• Advance warnings before transitions (15 min, 10 min, 5 min, 2 min)
• Patience when he asks repetitive questions
• Respect for his need for sameness
• Genuine interest in his passions

Health Considerations:

• Jack is underweight and needs encouragement to eat
• He takes medication that must be given on schedule (see Reference section)
• He gets a protein milkshake with vitamins at bedtime

Diagnosis: PTSD-related anxiety (from the divorce)

What this means:

• He may seem "fine" but carries a lot of worry
• He is hypervigilant to conflict and tension
• He may have difficulty with separation
• He needs extra reassurance and connection

What he needs from you:

• Emotional warmth and availability
• Patience with his anxious moments
• Reassurance that he is safe and loved
• Help rebuilding confidence (especially around sports)

Health Considerations:

• Charlie is underweight and needs encouragement to eat
• He sometimes struggles with constipation (see Reference section for protocol)
• He has become anxious about team sports this year—approach with compassion, not pressure

The Core Principle: Behavior is communication. When the boys act out, they are telling you something about their internal state.

Your job is not to:

• Punish behavior into submission
• Take their reactions personally
• Match their energy when they escalate

Your job IS to:

• Stay calm (your calm is contagious)
• Be curious about what's driving the behavior
• Provide safety and predictability
• Co-regulate (help them calm down by being calm yourself)

The Mantra: "Connection before correction." Always.

These boys have been through a lot. They need adults who are:

• Consistent – Do what you say you'll do
• Present – Be here, not just physically, but mentally
• Patient – They're doing the best they can
• Proactive – Think ahead so they don't have to

This manual will tell you exactly what to do and when. Your job is to follow it.